Pinkface

In case you missed it, Los Cronocrimenes (or “Timecrimes” en ingles) is a low-budget Spanish film about a man who stumbles upon a time machine after investigating the assault of a young girl in the woods.  After that, the plot gets way too complicated and way too spoiler-ific to recant on a blog.  If it sounds confused, it is, but that’s part of what keeps you watching it.  And if you can forgive a few far stretches in character motivation, this movie will have you until the very end.

One of the few solid time loop films out there, Timecrimes makes me think 12 Monkeys or Primer, but without the budget of the former or the ultra-ambiguity of the latter.  The best part about this movie is that the director (Nacho Vigalondo) walks you through every step of the time-loop, and even then, it’s hard to predict how this thing pans out.  Part of that is because Hector, our lovable protagonist, seems to make a few unbelievable decisions, but it is also because the events in the story are so basic that you’ll find you haven’t even considered them as a viable solution.

If you haven’t seen this movie, check it out.  You can probably find it on Netflix: Watch Instantly.  If you have seen it, get ready for the remake, which is slotted for 2011.  With a screenplay by Timothy J. Sexton (a writer on Children of Men) and the possibility of David Cronenberg directing, this one looks like it’ll be worth checking out.  Oh yeah, and they seem to have Tom Cruise playing Hector (think Vanilla Sky), but I can’t confirm any of that…

Casually staring into the woods.

Like darkman, only pinker

They Call Him Machete, and for good reason.

All I can say is… OH MY GOD! This is basically everything I wanted in this Mexploitation film starring Mr. Danny Trejo, who is one of my favorite not so good looking actors. And to see him get a starring role brings a smile to my face as well.

And even more insane is that this trailer comes in right when the state of Arizona has gone absolutely crazy with the new bill passed about immigration rights (read up on it… it actually takes my smile I just made with this trailer and royally turns it upside down).

Aint It Cool has the embed of the trailer, mainly because Robert Rodriguez and Harry Knowles are good friends. And to think that Fox let him cut a trailer for today’s headline making news is pretty smart marketing on their part.

I personally can’t wait to see this film when it is released in September. I’m just hoping it doesn’t flop like Grindhouse, which to this day I will go out on a limb and say that I love very much. Zoe Bell, FTW!

Machete Trailer

A profound story of an elderly woman in search of the fundamental poetry from her life. Aside from being sentenced with an Alzheimer’s disease, she faces another dilemma when her teen-aged grandson who is under her care is found to be one of the assaulters of a girl from his junior-high school who had committed suicide.

And the trailer.

So why am I talking about a movie that I know so little about?  Because it’s causing a controversy, of course!  Chloe Moretz plays Hitgirl, and the press seems to want us to believe that it’s a role that has tarnished this innocent flower forever because her character has a foul mouth and loves to splatter the baddies.  I mean, just look at her in her comic book form:

Eat your heart out, Go-Go Yubari.

This must be the most badass 11-year-old known to man.  The evidence is right there in the comic book.  Oh, and also in the movie’s R rating.  And if there’s anything we Americans just loooove to do, it’s throwing a royal hissyfit when minors act like adults on film.  Notice how no one is recognizing Chloe Moretz for playing yet another adult-oriented role in the past year:  the wise-beyond-her-years little sister to Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character in (500) Days of Summer.  Don’t listen to all the dicks out there who think you’re becoming an abomination, Chloe.  You are awesome.  And being in Kick-Ass is a gazillion times better than voicing Darby on My Friends Tigger and Pooh, which is something you’re also experienced at.

Are we really a nation of people stupid enough to think that any movie containing teenagers and children is actually appropriate for teenagers and children?

Maybe we shouldn’t answer that.  That’s what the comments section is for, kids.  Also, go watch this clip from CNN.com of the movie’s cast talking about how we all need to stop flipping out about Hitgirl’s potty mouth.   Clark Duke’s comment is my favorite.

The legend of Ong Bak 3 begins after Tien (Tony Jaa) has lost his fighting skills and his beloved stepfather at the Garuda’s Wing cliff from the raid led by Jom Rachan (Saranyu Wonggrajang). Tien is brought back to life with the help from Pim (Primrata Dechudom) as well as Mhen (Petchai Wongkamlao) and the Kana Khone villagers. Deep into the meditation taught by Phra Bua (Nirutti Sirijanya), Tien finally is able to achieve ‘Nathayut’. His talents are put to the test again when his rivals including the Golden-Armored King’s Guard (Supakorn ‘Tok’ Kijusuwan), the mysterious killers in black, and Bhuti Sangkha (Dan Chupong) return for the final massive showdown.

Although as we all know these plots are just on the side of nonsensical and who actually watches them for the story anyway? This one looks over the top and brutally amazing. I can’t wait to see it.

Oh, you thought I meant a loser literally? No, no. I'm awesome.

Wow, what a week it’s been. Twenty five hours overtime, accidentally getting bonding agents on both of my hands while crab – walking through exhaust ducts for three hours at a time and (unintentionally) losing six pounds makes me wonder if I’m starting to burn out.  That said, when I walk out of work on a Saturday evening, paint on my face and in my hair, my pockets buzzing with a reminder to write my blog post is the last thing I want to hear. Go to hell, smart phone.

I have about three interesting articles backlogged that I’m working on, and none of them are closed to finished. I don’t like posting pieces of shit, to be frank about it, so its going to take a little time. But I plan on stirring up a bit of trouble come April, that’s a promise.

By the way, the torture scene from Syriana is playing in the background. I always get a little jittery when I see it – George Clooney just looks like a homeless man for the whole movie.

Not that I’ve been even able to go see much of the new movies out (as Rufus’ How to Train Your Dragon review painfully reminds me), I’m still curious about Warner Bros. rendition of The Losers, a Vertigo comic about a special ops team betrayed by the CIA. The premise is pretty run-of-the-mill, but it has Zoe Saldana in it, for godsakes. And she has a rocket launcher.

Say it with me people: Zoe Saldana with a rocket launcher. I think I just bit my tongue while typing.

Who among us is not a fan of Christopher Nolan?  For the past ten years, he’s been churning out fantastic, picturesque drama: The Following, Memento, Insomnia, Batman Begins, The Prestige, and of course The Dark Knight (which has elevated him to a level impossible to ignore).  Now, we’re closing in on the release of his next project, Inception, which is scheduled to hit theaters and on July 16th.  Inception, which is set in a future where we have the technology to invade dreams, has the look of Dark City and the appeal of Lawnmower Man…or Johnny Mnemonic…or Minority Report.  It’s also got Leonardo DiCaprio walking around in suspenders again (see Shutter Island, Revolutionary Road, The Aviator, Gangs of New York, etc ad infinitum).  I’m beginning to think that The Beach is the only movie in which Leo doesn’t wear suspenders; somebody should do a study.

Anyway, if you’re interested in the film (which you should be), check out the trailer and more at the official website .  Aside from that, I’ll  be back on Tuesday withmy Top7 dystopian future films.  See you then.

Epic Indeed

’nuff Said

Anyway enjoy: